next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize