Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
