Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
