I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
