i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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