I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
