He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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