Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
