I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
