Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
