There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
