I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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