Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
