FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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