haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
