"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
