:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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