I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
