Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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