do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
