Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
