I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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