i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
