So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
did i walk over a car last night?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
