If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
