Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
