So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
