I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
