This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
