the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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