I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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