This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
