Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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