I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
