So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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