Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize