Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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