Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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