omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
