Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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