My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
