I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
