His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
