Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
