I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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