you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
