she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
