She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
