TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
