tell your sister to shave her snatch
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
