I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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