so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
