Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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