can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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