Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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