I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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