oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
