How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
