I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
