I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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