just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
