9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
