.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
