I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Welp...herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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