At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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