I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Reggie can tackle my bush.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
