u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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