Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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