I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
