Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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