I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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