whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
