and you said cock pushups were impossible
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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