My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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