Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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