I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When did angry sex become our thing?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
