I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
